May is Maternal Mental Health Month; there has been quite a lot of chatter on social media about it, and one of the initiatives that has gathered momentum is the hashtag “My Wish for Moms”. Chrissy Teigen has lended her voice and presence to increase awareness of maternal mental disorders, such as postpartum depression and anxiety. You know by now that I am no stranger to postpartum depression (PPD), and I am still taking medication for it. I applaud any and every effort to bring maternal health into the spotlight: it’s one of the reasons I started this blog. It got me thinking about what I wish for moms, and inherently for myself.
I like to think that my life after PPD is a markedly different era for me. Depression turned me into an awful person; but more than that, it turned me into the polar opposite of who I am. I lost track of myself, of my goals, my confidence and my drive. To get past it, I had to rewrite my story, and on many levels, it was like emerging from a deep amnesia with a blank slate in hand. The silver lining in all of this was that I have renewed faith in who I am and I have rediscovered the joys of fearlessness.
Figuring out what makes me happy and makes me feel alive has been a long journey. A painful but evolutive and still ongoing process. It will never end. I refuse to let it end. Because I choose me: everything starts from me. And here’s the kicker: it all started long before I even had children.
The person I was for 32 years is the one who gave birth to the Mother in me (read that again; I had to, as well!). You can argue that my kids made me into the mother I am today; that’s a half truth. Actually, more like a quarter of a truth. My family is the single most important treasure in my life, but I contribute to it every second I live, with my every breath. It is my greatest privilege and my most precious accomplishment, because I made it what it is. My husband and our respective families are crucial in allowing me to grow into motherhood, day in and day out. Having a phenomenal support system grants me the space I need to continue becoming the best version of who I am.
But don’t get it twisted: the woman I have been and I am still becoming, she’s the real MVP. Motherhood is one of the many dimensions of ME. It’s time to acknowledge that parents are so much more than that; parenthood is a subset of a person. That is not a diminutive statement. Whether you are a career mom, a stay-at-home mom, single mom, teen mom, insert_alternative_motherhood archetype here, CHOOSE YOU. Choose yourself. Choose who you are every day. Motherhood is an outlet of who you are; it is not the ultimate definition of self. It is among the most noble of all expressions of YOU, but it all flows from your centre and nowhere else.
So on this Mother’s Day 2019, my wish for moms is that they continue to choose who they are, unquestioningly. This Mother’s Day, take a little time (or all day, ha!) to remember how much love you have built around you, for your family. How did you get here? Maybe it was by accident. It wasn’t planned. Or, quite the opposite, you have wanted this so fervently all your life, and you made sure this was your reality one day. Or maybe it was one of the myriad possibilities in between. The point is, YOU did this. The person you are: your wants and dreams, your mindset, your unique choices and opinions. Your resilience in the face of adversity. You are a whole person, and motherhood is a huge part of that, but it isn’t, it shouldn’t be, everything you are.
My wish for mothers is for them to remember who they were, who they are and who they want to be. Choose to invest in yourself, always. Choose to be a mom AND whoever the hell you want to be. Whatever that is and how ever you can get it. Celebrate your motherhood all you want today and every day, but remember that you’re a whole lot of woman, first and foremost.
Happy Mother’s Day, my Queens.
