- OMG I’m so hungry. *eats x5 recommended serving size of ANYTHING
- OMG I’m so full and now I have heartburn. Why do I eat so much.
- OMG I’m so tired. I need to sit down.
- OMFG I’m starving again.
- I can’t get up. *screams for Husband
- Husband nearly gets hernia helping me off couch, but hey, now I’m standing again.
- OMG food and snacks, yay.
- Drops snacks on the floor. Can’t bend over. *screams for Husband
- OMFG I need to put my feet up, eating is tiring.
- Waddle over to couch. Sweet relief.
- Fetus finds bladder. Goddammit, now I have to pee.
- Can’t get up. *screams for Husband
- Husband risks second hernia so I don’t pee myself.
- OMG that was SO exhausting. I need a nap.
- Waddle to bed. 10 minutes to find comfortable position flopping around like a drunk, beached manatee.
- Sweet reli–nope. Fetus is now wide awake and using my rib cage as personal jungle gym.
- ARE YOU KIDDING ME I HAVE TO PEE AGAIN.
- BONUS ROUND: cat finds you and uses belly/boobs/face/anything as launch pad.
- Repeat to infinity.
Lessons learned:
- Not all heroes wear capes. Husband is the ultimate Batman in my universe.
- Depriving pregnant women of wine is a cruel, cruel thing.
- I may never have a complete set of ribs again.
- Still hungry.
- Typed this on the toilet. Because I had to pee.
